This solar day on The Irreversible Contamination Network
your Moment of Tzun will be preempted by the cooking show
which is all the rage on the Skittle Crack Chat Channel.

Frelling With Chocolate

[the host enters wearing a Gianormous hat shaped like a chocolate-chocolate chip muffin and an apron that reads;
frellforfree.org
Giving Free Frell to the Frelless.]

Hulo, and welcome to Frelling With Chocolate. I am your Ho-ho-stess Cupcake(tm). Eryn Tzun. For our first victim...
Errr.. i mean...dish...

[the host winks and grins a *BECBG*]

Hostess Cupcake: (AHEM) Uhhhh...
Today we will be making Chocolate Covered Crichton Custard Souffle

First you need one of the basic Frelling ingredients, a twinned Human male, which we seem to have an abundance of. PauWow, molim, bring out the AstroNut. Commander, John Crichton^tm.

[A Confused looking green shirted Crichton is brought out by PauWow and nudged gently toward The Ho-host. She must have drugged his tea to get him to cooperate, because he's not fighting, and slightly wobbly.]

Hostess Cupcake: Now you take your premixed custard, then add your Crichton.

[The host shoves Crichton into a vat of Chocolate gushiness]

[GLOOP!]

[Gurgling cries of, "Aeryyyyn!!! Heeeelllp!!!", can be heard emanating from the vat.]

Hostess Cupcake: Don't forget to use indiscriminate amounts of whipped cream.

[Just as Crichton climbs to the edge of the vat for air GypsyJr, Lyme, ChianaGirl, and blackleatherchick cover him in whipped cream.]

Green Crichton: Mmmfff!!!!

[The host drags Crichton out of the vat and lays him out on the counter, and by then he's out of breath and barely conscious. ChianaGirl comes up and tries to *pouncelicklegrope* him, but The Host blocks her way and is ChiChootied instead.]

The Ho-Hostess Cupcake: EEEEEEEEEEEP!!! I'm contaminated enough by John(s)[1]!

[Eryn morphs into Dr. Bettina Tzun and injects herself with the Aniti-Chi-dote. Several boots-to-the-head hurled in Chi's direction keeps her from cootifying The Dish also.]

Hostess Cupcake Ne taste testing until he's finished! [aside] ...or until i am done with him at least...

[The 5 girls all sigh in synchrony]
Whip cream Chicks: Mmmmm...Crichton.

[Eryn licks her lips and continues on]

Hostess Cupcake: Then the USS Butt Butt Crack Sprinkles. And last but not least, the cherry.

[CENSORED] *PING!*

Hostess Cupcake: Use your best judgement to decide where that is going.

[Cuppycake Eryn smiles and as the screen fades to black we see her lean down and-
Hey, this isn't smut! Fill it in yourself you Gutter brains! All i got was something about a Joystick...]

[Commercial break, which is in Sebacean, but appears to be about Monkey Ball and and how to control your speed when trying to UP your banana points. Also 4 player action where you get to smack each others balls...errm monkey..balls.. If you've ever seen Japanese commercials, yes..it's just that wrong even if they didn't mean it to be. What is the world coming to when Nintendo makes Monkey Porn!? Such potential for Innuendo alone.]

[We fade in as the host appears to be cleaning whipped cream off the counter...and out of her hair...the others can be seen in the background also covered in desert toppings.]

Hostess Cupcake: [looks up surprised]Uhh uhh..Hlo, and umm welcome back!

[Ho-hostess lady brushes sprinkles off her face and tries to collect herself.]

Hostess Cupcake:And now, a new way to melt an Irreversibly Contaminated Peacekeeper[Ex]!
Aeryn Sunday Flambé, yes, that's right. A Flaming Frigid Sebacean Surprise (to her anyway)! @,@

To think some dumb Human in a black shirt actually tried LOVE. All that came of that is the return of said frosty Prowler Pilot...and we can't have that now, can we?!

[A handcuffed and gagged Aeryn is dragged in by Satai/Ka'Leo, Dave-, Hammer38, Gibb¥®, kicking, screaming, and injuring several captors... (you think she'd come willingly or quietly?)]

Hostess Cupcake:First we take ice from the planet where Aeryn's heart died (literally), to make the ice cream (chocolate of course).
Then we take the alcohol, which Aeryn drank while mourning and imagining John(blacktee), and from the planet where her spirit died.
Last we add cosmic fire, from the above the planet where John(blacktee) sacrificed himself, eventually khacked it, and Aeryn's heart died (figuratively) along with him.

[The host shoves Aeryn in the ice cream and lights the Sunday on fire.]

[AERYN FLAMBE'S eyes goggle just before she's hit with the blast, and muffles screams can be heard coming from the gooey mess.]

Hostess Cupcake:Then we add a thick layer of hot caramel fudge.

[The screaming stops because luckily the fudge was only slightly warm, and it puts out the the fire.]

Hostess Cupcake:Last but not least, we mustn't forget, the cherry. Again, i leave it to you to decide what i mean by that.

: o 0(hummana hummana hummana...) [the Green shirted Crichton still covered in chocolate dashes in.]

Green Shirt Crichton: Hey baby how ya doin'... [*EG*]
Aeryn Flambé: [still smoldering from the fire, pouts]
I am no ones baby. [and she begins sucking the fudge off her fingers, toying with him.]

Green Shirt Crichton: Well I know what the host means, and that cherry is MINE, and Mamma Crichton's baby boy hates sharin' the cherry.
[aside]
...even with myself.

[Aeryn gives him the, "I don't understand wot this stupid Human is saying," look. And she doesn't have time to figure it out either, because Crichton strips nekkid and dives into the vat of chocolaty goodness with her. Yelling. "Wahoo!" like a country boy should.]

[The host bites her lip, Spocks' the mélée going on in the tub-oh-chocolaty goodness, takes a step forward and quickly signals to close the curtain.]

Hostess Cupcake:Errrm uhh, this was supposed to be PG13...all right...who's killing my purity percentage here?

[She smiles sheepdogishly and peeks through the hole in the curtain.]

[Fade to black and a voiceover]
Eryn Tzun: Toon in next week when we will be discover the wondrous delight that is Chocolate EBialars.
Braca Banana Cheesecake (spears not included.)
(wahoo hoo)
And for the Boys, Gilina Green Jell-o, Shiney Blue Arsed B^tch Bundt Cake.

[1]Erynese translation: Contaminated by men who play guys named John on sci-fi shows, and both have initials BB, three former boyfriends named John. There is ne denying, it's fate.

This Page brought to you by Eryn Tzun, still 82.25% Pure!
Why does everyone always laugh when i say that?!

DISCLAIMER: Ne actual Aeryn's or Crichton's were cruelly treated in the production of this page. Not sanctioned by S.A.C.C. or S.A.C.A.
Original concept of this fic from #farscape available here, bwware of Redheaded ChiScaper

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